Book Synopsis

Brief Synopsis of the Book, Spiritual Growth and Conflict Management in Christian Marriage
The Managing Partner has decided to write a book of encouragement for the workers so that It could add to their discipline, especially marital discipline. Paterson Bana is a veteran Architect. He is also a devout Lutheran Christian. He demonstrates clearly in this book that he does not want the marriages of Christians and indeed non-Christians to be destroyed by conflict. He desires that marriages are truly functional, happy, and stable relationships for life with little to no conflicts, and where conflicts do occur, let the couple learn from them to improve on their relationship. He sets forth his vision of robust ways and means for resolving marital conflicts in thirteen chapters.
In the introduction, Arch Bana demonstrates that the world, humanity, and marriage did not come into being by chance. They owe their existence to God’s creative work from the beginning of the universe. The Triune God created humanity, male and female as loving and peaceful husband and wife not only to steward the world, but also multiply and subdue it through procreation. Sadly, this stable and peaceful marriage that God has instituted in the world came to be plagued by violent conflict stemmed from the fall of our first parents into sin. But in Christ, marriage has been transformed into a new institution where the husband and wife are given the ministry not only of mutual lave and obedience, but also of forgiveness and reconciliation, which is an antidote to marital conflict.
In chapter one, he examines marital conflicts in the ancient Asia Minor and contemporary society. He attributes the source of marriage conflicts in Asia Minor to the oppressive hierarchy of the family, according to which, the father who occupied the highest position in the hierarchy exercised near-absolute power over members of the family. Sadly, many Christians today still operate on this hierarchical model of family leadership due to the influence of their various traditions. He also claims that the practice of joining the couple in court before blessing their marriage in church is good. But it often causes conflicts over issues of inheritance because the common law and African tradition have conflicting provisions for inheritance. He strongly believes that it is unacceptable for man and woman irrespective of their tradition and denomination to engage in an unwholesome affair before they’re joined in holy matrimony.
In chapter two, he describes succinctly the LCCN order and process of marriage. He says that the process is formal, elegant, and exciting, but sadly, it suffers from an unguided Christian courtship. Parents and the church alike often neglect Christian courtship which is an important process of a church marriage. Many marriages break up after ostentatious wedding ceremonies due to poor courtship and premarital counseling. Arc. Bana feels nostalgic for the “just wedded” experience of their marriage. He says he is grateful that the Spirit that moved over their union at the time of their wedding continues to hover over their home for more than four decades now despite the initial challenges of understanding each other’s likes and dislikes. Describing their married experience as “well-deserved,” he says the strength of their union continues to wax stronger even to this day by the power of the Holy Spirit.
In chapter three, he argues that conflict is inevitable in marriages and the cause is spiritual. That is to say, the devil is at work in marital conflicts. Marriage is about finding a compromise that works best for the couple, but where one insists on always finding his/her way, conflicts are bound to arise. He says that there are situational causes of conflicts in marriage. Apart from the power struggle between the couple which causes conflict, the couple comes into the marriage with differences in attitudes, values, educational backgrounds, opinions, and status. Instead of enriching the marriage, these differences often generate conflicts that threaten the stability of the marriage. The good news is that situational conflict in marriage can be effectively dealt with once the couple understands and appreciates the differences in their life together.
In chapter four, he writes extensively on circumstantial causes of conflict in marriage. He says that the circumstantial factors are also inimical to the unity of the marriage. These factors border on economic challenges, race, gender, looks, feelings, religion, and tradition of the couple. Conflicts over most of these issues are easier resolved than over others. But conflicts are not always destructive to the marriage, they can sometimes build up the marriage and strengthen the relationship between the couple because they create opportunities for the couple to know and appreciate each other better.
He insists in chapter five that marital conflicts should be understood from the standpoint of their nature and source, which is sin. Jesus is the solution to sin and as such resolving conflicts in marriage requires the couple to pay close attention to and focus on Jesus Christ. But it also requires patience for the couple to endure the difficult circumstances that God allows to test their faith and fidelity to their marriage vows. Patience is important in conflict resolution precisely because it not only develops human character but also perfects it. Prayer is also a key to resolving conflicts in marriage. What the couple needs to do to overcome conflict is to pray to God without ceasing for not only wisdom to handle their conflicts, but also the power to strengthen the bond of their relationship. Again, they need the help of trustworthy mediators to discern what right direction and decision to take in resolving whatever conflicts that may arise in their relationship.
In chapter six, he claims that conflict assumes a dangerous dimension in marriage when the couple begins to search for the weakness and shortcoming of each other and share such with others outside the family. He writes with vivid diagrams about the three levels, which marital conflicts go through before it gets to the last level—the red zone where the conflicts escalate and get out of control. This last but dangerous level of marital conflict is characterized by the couple undermining, hitting, and assassinating each other’s character. This antagonistic spirit often results in separation or divorce. But this dangerous trend can be averted by the timely intervention of godly mediators who have a stake in the success of the marriage.

In chapter seven, he argues that Christian Mission Field of the church is not a place somewhere overseas Its mission field is that conflict-torn marriage in our neighborhood. Thus, the mission field of the couples who are embroiled in conflicts is not a place outside of their home, but themselves. Their mission is to resolve their conflicts and reconcile with one another and with God by humbly confessing and forgiving the wrongs that they have committed against each other. He insists that the spouse who has hardened their heart and refused to be reconciled with his/her spouse needs not to be abandoned or excommunicated from the church. Instead, trustworthy mediators, including pastors, need to transform the hard-hearted spouse into a God's willing instrument of love and forgiveness. This is the ministry of reconciliation and transformation that God has given us whether as individuals or as a church.
In chapter eight, he submits that marriage is not a human but a divine institution. God ordained marriage from the foundation of the world for husband and wife to bear and raise godly children. God wills that justice, compassion, and reconciliation should be the building block of mutual relationships between husband, wife, and children in a Christian family.
In chapter nine, he says spiritual growth requires repentance, baptism, and resurrection to new life in Christ. Once we are married we’ve become new persons with new status and responsibilities, our old single life has passed away. When God says to Eve that her husband shall rule over her, God does not mean that a husband should oppress and dominate his wife. This is a blatant error! Instead, God means that the husband should establish a transformative relationship with her. The true mark of our spiritual growth in marriage is evidenced in our transformative rather than domineering relationship with our spouse God’s transformative relationship with us Christians liberates and empowers us to live like him in our marriages.
In chapter ten, ARC. Bana believes that married couples are not immune from conflicts even when they grow in the Spirit. The Devil is always at work in the world looking for ways to ferment trouble in their marriage. But the Christian couple needs to beware of these evil machinations! Growing in the Spirit gives them not only the wisdom to discern the spirits but also the power to chase the destructive ones out of their home.

He encourages Christian couples to relentlessly contend for their marriage against the evil devices of the devil and struggle to reach the finish line to deliver their marriage vows to one another. He believes that the marriage life is the very place of responsibility, where the Christian couple freely and delightfully lives out the gift of their salvation in Christ.
In the last three chapters of his book, ARC. Bana claims that peace doesn’t just come and reign in Christian marriage, it must be deliberately sought, pursued, and maintained by the couple. Christian youth, he also insists, need to flee from youthful evil lusts and live a life of chastity before marriage. In conclusion, he sees marriage correctly as God-ordained institution and urges Christians to seek wisdom from God as they plan to enter into marriage.
I will not go into the exciting details, but I will leave it for the readers to discover by themselves. However, I strongly recommend this book to all married, intending, and young couples. The book contains profound insights into marital conflicts and resolutions, that are of enormous benefits to them.